The news of the death of an estranged parent is something I found very hard to process and grieving the death of an estranged parent is very different to the loss of a present parent. 2. Poems These poems are on the subject of estrangement and are written by parents, adult children and famous poets. Ive recently had the very same experience. My father was adopted, this was used by him as an excuse for many of his failings. It's still in progress. It was just over a year ago for me and I still feel like there is so much left unsaid and that I wasnt supported as much as I needed, not through anyones fault. Nana said no even though I think she wouldnt have cared less. eCondolence.com, LLC | Copyright 2023. So yes, I completely understand all of the ladies who have contributed to this page. I feel a bit robbed of those things but appreciate the fact that I had an awesome mum who made up for the lack of decent father. I dont even remember my parents not getting along. Thank you for sharing this, like you I havent been properly in touch with my father for a long time since I was 6 or so but have known of him and vice versa, but I have found out tonight that he has passed away from Covid 19, and surprisingly it has broken me, I thought I wouldnt be sad about someone I lost a long time ago but it hurts just a much as if I had seen him yesterday. I can relate to feeling guilt and responsible for not doing more, not caring more and its unfair as we cannot do anything once they have gone. I didnt receive one at all. Guilt, anger, sadness, emptiness and a longing for a father that didnt exist. During the first three to four months after her death I didnt really sleep that well and to this day have absolutely no idea how I functioned at work. Its an unusual set of emotions x, Im so sorry this is such a difficult situation. Posted on April 12, 2023 by car accident in eustis, fl today death of an estranged father poem . I recently had this discussion with my uncle (my mums brother) with whom I have always been quite close. I can still see my sister asking me to go inside and close the door. We didnt visit, initially through anger but this subsided and then became avoidance. I hated the man. The death provides an unsettling closure to a relationship that did not turn out according to hopes and dreams and plans. My father died 3 days ago. Thank you. Thanks for this opportunity to share my story.. Seeking to escape the responsibilities of parenthood, the adult abandons responsibilities and connections. So of course, I decided that I was going to go to the hospital and show my respect. So after speaking to his family and his two younger daughters about the prognosis, we decided to take him off the ventilator. T he one person I could always take my troubles to. All those thoughts and feeling came rushing back. Correction, I let go of my end of the rope. He barely kept in contact over the years, it has been 25 years since we all separated. We grieve what might have been. I dont even know if he knew she existed. You have to do what you feel is right for yourself at the end of the day. The generous soul of nature & the comforting arm of night. I distanced myself from him as he wasnt someone you could have a relationship with. He didnt see me get married, hes never met his grandchildren, he changed his number when I tried to reach out and now I believe he has changed his name. It feels like the deceased has been cut down in the prime of their life. The nursing home wont release much information to me where he passed other than he died of Covid-19. But, reading your thoughts on the matter has given me comfort in knowing that someone out there understands that losing a parent is still tragic, even if the relationship and even the love, died a long time ago. Its like mine never even existed. Wow. Although I made the decision I needed to, Ive had many moments since where I just felt incredible sadness that I had lost out on having a healthy dad who didnt betray me. He knew who I was and held my hand. He pushed all of us away because he couldnt stop using drugs. They might not understand but you can explain and they can listen. Since the other children were older (the closest one to me was twelve when I came along), I was kind of like an only child, I guess you could say. I tried to reach out to him about 2 years ago and I had no reply. I was a 7 year old child when he left and he was the adult. Thanks for taking the time to comment, it means a lot. The responsibility fell upon me to arrange everything and it was just such a strange experience, I didnt feel like I was worthy of peoples sympathies because I didnt feel that devastating sense of loss. He is old born 1931 so 89 now. Though we might expect to feel relief that an estranged parent is no longer a part of our lives, it is far more common to find that the death affects us intensely on several unexpected levels. After meeting him as an adult I realised I wasnt to blame. An absolutely heartbreaking loss. In my therapy this week I learned that I didnt became needy or clingy, I used to be avoidant and when I talk about my feelings I rationalize them instead of feeling them, what Im feeling right now is called vulnerability and it hurts because is so uncomfortable. He made a new family and actually told us he was given an ultimatum by his new wife and he chose her. Probably the most important thing that you can do in expressing condolences for yourself and your family is to forget the past. But, even if you don't choose to have a poem read at your loved one's funeral, we hope that some of these poets' words give you a moment of peace. Estrangement splinters families, sometimes even more so after death. I hadnt seen or heard from him or anyone in his family as my mom forbid it, since I was 10 and Im now 36. The loss of a parent is never an easy thing, but often the death of an estranged parent or one who has been absent from the children causes feelings that are difficult for the child to process. Home > Life Poems, Sad Poems> EstrangedObserver. What matters is how he nurtured us. Thank you for this. Gather a family member or close friend and have a private time, memorializing the better moments of your lives and honoring the death. It took about 10 years before I could stop thinking about it, and then my brother died. And at that time, in the mid-70s, it was probably considered even later than now. So thank you for sharing, for confirming Im not going crazy feeling like this. I can only describe it as grieving for what never was and what now will never be. Start Fresh. I feel an overwhelming amount of guilt. We didnt attend the funeral. Every time Id reached out previously there was always someone to blame. I wasnt much more than a child then and unprepared to reconcile with him. At this point in my life, I have really weird emotions coming at me. Through all of this, my mom never said a bad word about him. We went together and then afterwards we just processed what we had just done. Sometimes the hurt and hatred that one spouse has for the other creates the estrangement between the parent and the child. As I said I would probably have been the same before experiencing it for myself. I had a step father but that was not the same. Im so angry and upset that I didnt get that father my step siblings had! He was at peace! Ive put up a wall with other family members and acted like Im a-ok, but Im not. I just feel sad and Im not sure why. But when my bio dad died I was an emotional mess and had no clue why and felt so incredibly guilty. Grief for an estranged parent is very complicated. I just got a call 3 days ago, again he was hospitalized and not expected to live beyond a few days. But I didnt cry. Guilt anger deep deep sorrow. New Poem by Sharon Wildey Coming home to people who love me When I am allowed to come home again To those who love me I will be healed I will laugh again, and cry again My nightmares will fade away. These poems about death may help you reconcile a tragic and sudden loss. It was a hard decision and one I have regretted on occasion since his death but I made it for the right reasons. Reading this blog and reading the post on this post has helped so much! Im so sorry for what happened to you, you are not alone. I havent spoken to him in years. Then I found that things became easier, but grief is a strange beast. I have to ask myself what I will do when he dies. So, thank you. His side of the family all lived there, and he relocated his car repair business to that area. I did not expect to grieve and be devastated by the death of someone I had never loved, and had never had a relationship with me. He was never violent or abusive he just didnt care it seems. People went to the funerals, sent flowers. My estranged father passed away two weeks ago. I found out this week that my father died from covid last October. Poem for Dad Who Passed Away. And I even find myself acting the very same way" Keith Urban says his late dad Robert, who died in 2015, inspired his career in country music. I was startled by the dream I had about him that happened on the eve of his death. But I truly believe he was suffering from a mental illness. Basically he was extremely selfish, but had the ability to make you feel sorry for him at the drop of a hat. I am living this situation right now and trying to figure what to do next! My father and I had a difficult relationship. Marie. I do believe it is because I am kicking myself for not cultivating a relationship with the man who saved me and gave me a blessed childhood. Almost every estranged child can remember some pieces of the past that brought happiness and joy. Are there any books you have come across on this topic? Forgetting the past does not necessarily mean forgiving the past. I knew it just a matter of time. He wasnt around to know that Allison is such a fun kid who loves soccer and marching band. Doesnt that sound terrible to say about your own parent? I did cry, minimally, but appreciated the opportunity for our last talk. Knowing that fact released me from regret and guilt about what did or did not occur before he died. I dont judge the cards I havent received, I treasure the ones that say I dont understand what you are going through, but Im here for you, none of them family members, but amazing friends that have loved me in my most unlovable moment. 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